A 45 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience.

Seeing God she asked “Is my time up?” God said, “No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live.”

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair colour and brighten her teeth! The full package and since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.

After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, “I thought you said I had another 43 years? Why didn’t you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?” God replied: “I didn’t recognise you.”

Superman was feeling bored after a long day of crime fighting and wanted to go out and party. He called Batman to ask if he wanted togo to a club and pick up some girls. Batman said Robin was ill and he had to look after him.

A little disappointed, Superman called Spider-man to see if he fancied a few beers. Spider-man told him he had a date with Catwoman. As a last resort, Superman flew over to Wonderwoman’s apartment to see if she was free. As he landed on her balcony, he saw Wonderwoman naked on the bed with her legs open.

Superman thought to himself: “I’m faster than a speeding bullet. I could be in there, have sex, & be out again b4 she knew what was happening”.

So Superman did his Super Thing in a split second and flew off happily. Meanwhile on the bed, Wonderwoman said: “Did you hear something?”

“No”, said the Invisible Man, “but my ass hurts like hell!”.